My life until now
I have been racing on the track which seemed to have no finish line. When I entered the high school, I thought that my English was good. But I could not follow the English classes where native teachers spoke in fast English. I felt frustrated and ashamed of my pride as envying other students speaking fluent English, those of whom had lived in foreign countries. Inferiority did not help and I decided to study harder than any other students. It was literally a hard 'race'. Thanks to the struggle, by the time I graduated from the high school, I could communicate with foreigners without being embarrassed. Even though I have to run more towards my goal, I do not feel exhausted.
From Dasom Yoo
ReplyDeleteI like your writing because it is simple but also tells a lot of you. Your main point seems to be your problem with English and how you have overcome the problem. I really like your words 'race' and 'finish line' because I know what it feels like to be, on the race where there is no finish line. And there is one thing I would like to add in your last sentence. I hope you write the reason why you don't feel exhausted.
I like the way you make your words flow along naturally. Your writing is very smooth. Additionally, the way you compare your life to a race track made it easier for me to relate to you, since it holds various meanings in that word. However, it would have made your writing more complete if you added the details. While I was reading your writing, just as I was able to fully concentrate, you broke off by wrapping up your writing with a happy ending with no details on how you tried to overcome your difficulties.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised when I saw your essay, 'My life until now'. Because what you felt when you entered into high school was so similar with my feeling that I felt when I first attended professor Jon Bahk-Halberg's class. This class is my first English class after a two-year stint in the Airforce. I could not understand what the professor said in English and I felt frustrated too.
ReplyDeleteBut you overcame that hardship by your effort and endurance. After reading your essay, I gain a hope that I can overcome this difficult if I make an effort.
How did you study English?
ReplyDeleteI can't speak and listen English well...
BUT I will study hard English as you!! :)
I am impressed. I think your writing is simple and clear. That's why I could not stop reading it. In addition, I experienced same thing too, after attending this university. I was really frustrated in every class, because my major course is all taught in English. Reading your writing, I am very encouraged. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you describes your experience as a hard race. Also, I enjoyed your intersting paragraph about your feeling and experience. Your main point seems to be how hard you have tried to achieve your goal. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is giving examples of how you have tried to improve you english skill.
ReplyDelete2nd draft
ReplyDeleteI have been racing on the track which seemed to have no finish line. When I entered the high school, I thought that my English was good. But I could not follow the English classes where native teachers spoke in fast English. I felt frustrated and ashamed of my pride as envying other students speaking fluent English, those of whom had lived in foreign countries. Inferiority did not help and I decided to study harder than any other students. It was literally a hard 'race'. Thanks to the struggle, by the time I graduated from the high school, I could communicate with foreigners without being embarrassed. Even though I have to run more towards my goal, I do not feel exhausted. That’s because I do not fear both English and getting no exact finish line anymore as I have built my confidence on the ground, so-called ‘Valuable Experiences at the High School'.