I first learned how to play guitar in 2000 when I was in middle school. It was the first instrument that I ever learnt and my feeling towards the guitar began to grow from the very start. While learning guitar from after-school lessons at school, my parents helped me to buy my first acoustic guitar. I listened to a variety of songs and practiced them at home after school, where I eventually began playing at my church with friends who played other instruments. In 2007, I was able to buy a new guitar with my own money. Since it was a more expensive guitar than my first one, I took really good care of it while playing in the Army and at church. As I improved and got to know more about guitars, my want for a better guitar grew more and more. While playing at a church in the Army, I decided to donate my guitar just before I came out, so I began looking for a new guitar as soon as I came out of the Army. After a week of searching, I finally got hold of my third acoustic guitar. With this guitar, I played in my band at HUFS, where we played songs by many different artists such as Maroon 5, Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Coldplay, Muse, etc. I had the chance to save up quite a bit of money during 2011 when working as a translator/interpreter. With the money I saved, I decided to sell my guitar and buy a new one, which would cost me 1,240,000 Won all together. When looking back at when I first learned guitar and myself at the moment, I realized that I've never been without a guitar. Thus, I feel that my acoustic guitar is and will be the most valuable possession in my life.
I liked your writing because it is well describing your love to guitar, which is, I suppose, your main idea. So I think your main idea is well represented on your writing. Besides, in my opinion, focusing your writing on one of those guitars you had could be another good alternative. For instance, you could have chose your favorite guitar and write about it in detail. If so, your writing might be more clear and focused.
ReplyDeleteThe good point of your writing is that how much you love your guitar is well explained. Various supporting sentences of background information about the possession clearly support your main idea. However, it would be better it would be better if there is description about the characteristic of your guitar.
ReplyDeleteFor example, how it looks like, what's color of it..and so on.
With regard to concluding sentence, it fully restates the idea in the topic.
Thank you Seong Yoel and Eunbi for your comments. I'll take them into consideration for my second draft :)
ReplyDelete"My guitar" (2nd draft)
ReplyDeleteI first learned how to play guitar in 2000 when I was in middle school. It was the first instrument that I ever learnt and my feeling towards the guitar began to grow from the very start. While learning guitar from after-school lessons at school, my parents helped me to buy my first acoustic guitar. Since buying my first guitar in 2000, I changed guitars three times, which includes the one that I have at the moment. I’m not saying my previous guitar weren’t special, but my current guitar is more special to me. It was last year when the thought of a new guitar popped into my mind and I was fortunate enough to save up some money from working as a translator at a company. I looked up websites and asked many people for information before actually buying the guitar because this was to cost quite a bit of money compared to my previous two guitars. When I finally bought the guitar, I was really satisfied with the overall design and sound. The model name is GWD-01-FM of Gwood guitars and its body is a dreadnought type with a flamed maple colored front, back and sides. The neck of the guitar is made of mahogany, and the word “Gwood” also with a four-leaf clover symbol is printed on the end of the neck. Final touches of the design are completed with a gold tuning machine, which mixes well with the color of the body. I also chose this guitar because of its sound. When played, a sound that is warm and not too sharp echoes throughout its body. I plan to take extra good care of this guitar and treasure it for a long time.