201100521
Kim Seong Yeol
TV: Could you live without it?
To be honest, I'm a really big fan of TV programs. When I have nothing to do and staying at home, I almost always watch TV. I like watching entertainment shows, movies, and sports broadcast. I have some certain channels I watch. From channel 40 to channel 49 are movie channels, from 60 to 70 is variety show channels, and from 110 to 112 is sports channels. I always go around those channels when I watch TV. When I find a good program, I stop turning channels and watch it until the end. And then when it's over I go around the channels again, and I repeat this continuously. However, even though I'm a great TV lover, I don't think that I could not live without it. Watching TV is just one of my leisure activities. I just enjoy watching TV programs what I want, and when if there is nothing to watch I don't bother turning it off. Watching TV can be very beneficial. Watching entertaining programs can relieve our stress, and we can get lots of information by watching news. TV is a valuable device unless we are too much addicted to it. I am aware of that excessive time watching TV can be harmful to me, so I think I'm controlling myself quite well.
I think you explain well why TV is beneficial and we also control ourselves from watching TV too much. Especailly, I like this sentence: However, even though I'm great TV lover, I don't think that I could not live without it. That's because this sentence is obviously tell your opinion by reversing introduction of your writing. However, your introduction is too long and too descriptive, I think. Your work would be better by cutting off some sentences before your topic sentence. :)
ReplyDeleteFrom Kang Dong Hoon
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about this piece of writing is that you wrote well about your attitude toward TV. It is interesting and reads easily. Your main point seems to be you can live without TV. But I think your main topic isn't that clear. I was a bit confused if you want to say that TV is essential or unecessary for you. Also I think you wrote too much about your TV-watching way. Your writing could be much better if you made the topic clear and added more supporting sentences!
I also think that the sentences before the topic is quite long. I would delete "I have some certain channels I watch. From channel 40 to channel 49 are movie channels, from 60 to 70 is variety show channels, and from 110 to 112 is sports channels. I always go around those channels when I watch TV. When I find a good program, I stop turning channels and watch it until the end. And then when it's over I go around the channels again, and I repeat this continuously." and add more supporting sentences after the main point. And what I wanted to say in this writing, the main topic, was that it is true that watching TV is one of my chief leisure activities, but it is not essential. For me TV is quite necessary, but that doesn't mean that I can not live without it. As the main topic of my writing seems to be not that clear, I could add some contents related to what I wrote on this comment, such as "Although TV is one of my chief leisure acivities and quite necessary to me, it is still not that essectial as I would tell that I can not live without it.".
ReplyDelete