Geun-Hong Kim
Professor Jon Bahk-Halberg
Introduction to Academic Writing (1)
March 7, 2012
My Life Until Now
I was born in Seoul but right after, I moved to Cheong-Ju and kept moving to other cities. When I was 7, I was back to Seoul. My family is my father, mother, and my little sister. My sister and I fight everyday not too serious but we are good friends for each other. I have two dogs and sometimes, I think my mother loves them more than me. Now, I'm majoring in Journalism, which my father made me to take. Actually, I wanted to study Psychology but now I think I made a right decision. I like reading books and listening to music in my free time. However, my favorite thing to do is talking with my friends. When I was freshman, I skipped a lot of classes because of hanging out with my friends. I have no regrets but my parents didn't like it. I tend to addict to funny things so I really hate being bored. Therefore, I always listen to radio and watch comedy. I can't even stand walking the street alone without my MP3. Later, I want to create films or soap operas that could make many people to be happy, to laugh and sometime to cry like something that could touch their hearts.
I burst our laughing when I read your essay. The sentence, 'I have two dogs and sometimes, I think my mother loves them more than me', is very funny. That can't be. Your mother must love you much more.
ReplyDeleteI think you are very sparkling person. And you seems to have many hobbies.
I skipped my classes too by last year..:(
ReplyDeleteBUT i will study hard this semester!!
Let us study hard!! :)
What i felt after read this paragraph was happy. And it looks well your character and personality.
ReplyDeleteBut it looks like you took a passive attitude about your future,
It is fortunate that you think Journalism was good dicision.
Any way, other paragraphs are so good. It has lots of humor, and i had strong interest about you. Because i like people who make others happy.
The strongest point in this piece of writing is simple sentences. They are easy to understand and this paragraph conveys her story in a happy mood quite well. I like the sentence ‘My sister and I fight everyday not too serious but we are good friends for each other.’ Because I also have a sister and I totally agree with you. Besides, the phrase ‘touch their hearts’ really touches my heart.
ReplyDeleteEven though it is good to get to know about you from this paragraph, I feel that some facts seem to be just listed. But the problem is that even I cannot suggest the exact solution. That's because, in your writing, the facts which are simply listed and could be ordinary make your unique-‘happy’- atmosphere.
Geun-Hong Kim
ReplyDeleteProfessor Jon Bahk-Halberg
Introduction to Academic Writing (1)
March 21, 2012
Second Draft
My Life Until Now
There are two important things in my life, my family and my dream. My family is my father, mother, and my little sister. My parents give kindly advice about this and that. Especially, my father made me to major in Journalism, although I wanted to study Psychology. However now I think it was a right decision. My sister and I fight everyday not too serious but we are good friends for each other. I have two dogs which are also family members to me and sometimes, I think my mother loves them more than me. Second important thing in my life is my dream to make films. Since I was a child, I tend to addict to funny things so I really hate being bored. Therefore, I like reading interesting books and talking with people in my free time. Actually, I love talking with my friends so when I was freshman, I skipped a lot of classes because of hanging out with my friends. I have no regrets but my parents didn’t like it. I can’t even stand walking the street alone without my MP3. Therefore, I always listen to radio and watch comedy. Later, I want to create films or soap operas that could make many people to be happy, to laugh and sometime to cry like something that could touch their hearts.