201100014 Kang Dong Hoon
My Valuable Possession
A possession that is important to me is my first cellphone. I bought my first cellphone when I was 15 years old. At that moment almost all of my friends had their own cellphones but I didn't. Looking back I don't know why but I was intimidated by that fact so I really wanted to have my cellphone. I pestered my mom to buy one for me and finally she accepted it. My first cellphone was made by LG. It was a flip-phone with shiny black color. The design was very unique. It was a 'sports car-shaped' phone. It had curves of the car and had two speakers that looked like headlights on the upper part. Honestly I really hated it because the design was so unique and it looked like a toy for the kids. Then why is that phone special to me? It's valuable to me because it keeps the memory of my teenage. There's photo of me, my friends and all of my teenage life. Also there are messages I exchanged with my friends. Those messages tell a lot of things; how I was silly and naïve to laugh at the things which means nothing to me now. Nowadays the cycle of changing cellphone is very quick. So a cellphone means nothing more than a machine. But cellphone keeps the trace of my life. For this reason my first love-hate cellphone is precious to me.
Your paragraph has the topic sentence and the concluding sentence and both are clear: You value the first cell phone. The description of its design is detailed and the word 'sports-car-shaped' is relatively specific because it has a feeling of swift curves.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your descriptions on the very first cellphone are clear so I could see it. And it was good to make the readers feel sympathy having one or two things to remind of yesterdays. You could improve in the concluding part 'Nowadays the cycle of changing cellphone is very quick. So a cellphone means nothing more than a machine. But cellphone keeps the trace of my life. '. In this part I think it could be more logically persuading.
ReplyDelete201100014 Kang Dong Hoon
ReplyDeleteMy Valuable Possession
A possession that is important to me is my first cellphone. I bought my first cellphone when I was 15 years old. At that moment almost all of my friends had their own cellphones but I didn't. Looking back I don't know why but I was intimidated by that fact so I really wanted to have my cellphone. I pestered my mom to buy one for me and finally she accepted it. My first cellphone was made by LG. It was a flip-phone with shiny black color. The design was very unique. It was a 'sports car-shaped' phone. It had curves of the car and had two speakers that looked like headlights on the upper part. Honestly I really hated it because the design was so unique and it looked like a toy for the kids. Then why is that phone special to me? It's valuable to me because it keeps the memory of my teenage. There's photo of me, my friends and all of my teenage life. Also there are messages I exchanged with my friends. Those messages tell a lot of things; how I was silly and naïve to laugh at the things which means nothing to me now. Nowadays people change their cellphone quickly. For people cellphones mean nothing more than a machine so when we buy a new one we throw away the old. But cellphone can mean more than a machine. At least it does to me because it keeps the trace of my life. For this reason my first 'love-hate' cellphone is precious to me.