One of my most valuable possessions is my Jordan shoes. It's valuable to me because it is the first costly stuff that I bought myself, I mean with my own money. As I was a student before, my parents bought my clothing or other stuffs. They still buy me things I need, but since I have entered university and manage my own money, I purchased some of my things myself, and the first of those was the Jordan shoes. I bought it last year, even though it was quite expensive. Well, I'm not a shoe mania who buys and collects lots of high-priced shoos. I was rather interested in other clothing like shirts or jackets instead of shoes. However, when I saw it on the website, I really liked it at first sight. It was designed uniquely, and I liked its color of white, blue, red combination. At first, I thought about asking my parents for purchasing it. But then I thought only asking for them to buy me pricey stuffs was not a fine thing, so I decided to buy it myself. Though it was quite a burden cost for me, I don't regret buying it. I am really satisfied with this Jordan shoes, and because it was purchased with my own money I am more possessive to it.
Your writing tells much about how you feel about your shoes. I like the word unique because i buy stuffs that are unique. It feels good to own such thing. I also like the phrase `with your own money` . I understand what you mean, the stuffs you buy with your own money mean a lot. But there is a sentence starts with "But then i thought~~~". I dont get it. Is it "my thought" of "i thought
ReplyDeleteIs it "my thought" instead of "i thought"?. And i hope you write more desscription about your shoes.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with the previous student who commented on your work first. I fully understood what your feeling was, and how precious it was. But most importantly, I think it need more detail; because I cannot see it. Your only detail about your shoes was "color of white, blue, red combination". I think more explaination would be needed like shape, specific features, etc.
ReplyDelete"But then I thought only asking for them to buy me pricey stuffs was not a fine thing,..." Maybe this sentence wasn't clear enough. It could be more clear if I add a comma after 'I thought' and modify the sentence to "But then I thought, only asking for them to buy me pricey stuffs was not a fine thing,...".
ReplyDeleteI thought the reason why I consider this shoes as my valuable possession was an important point to write, so relatively the specific details of the shoes were insufficient. I may add some more detais of the shoes with some sentences like "It's background is white and some parts of the shoes are red and blue. There are Jordan brands unique patterns called 'elephant pattern' in both front and rear side of the shoes. It comes up to right above the ankle, and it's made with leather and soft rubber."