HyunCheol CHO (200903390)
Intriduction To English Writing(1) WED 11AM
My Life Until Now
My life until now has changed a lot since I was born in January 8th 1990.
When I was elementary school student, I was very outgoing, mischievous boy. I always hung out in groups with my same friends and played a joke on other boys. So, there were many children who wanted to get along with me. Also there were many children who were scared of me.
But when I was sixteen years old, I moved to other city and gained weight. Growing apart with my old friends in my hometown, and missing confidence on my appearance, I became very passive and withdrawn person. I knew only school and home, and there were not funny, interesting memories in my middle and high school ages.
But when I entered into HUF, I got along with anyone and I recovered my confidence on myself. And that confidence has maintained until now. I'll spend my life more active and enthusiastic.
Adding one more thing, My family is most important thing in my life. Without my family's love, devotion and concern for me, there have been no person who were named HyunCheol CHO.
Hyung-Il kim, wed 11 a.m.
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about this wrting is it shows your interesting changing story.
Your main point seems to be you were a active boy but became shy. You tried to be active again and now you are a active person.
I like the word mischievous because I think it's a fresh word. Also I like the word enthusiastic because this word seems to be proper word.
But the end of the writing that worte about family love seems damaging the consistency. And I think it could be more intersting story if there were some aecdote.
I think if you had wrote about how you recover your confidence , this writing could have been more interesting story.
Your writing is straightforward and vivid so that it was interesting to read. I think the words you used in your writing are fresh and refined, so it was more authentic to read. However I agree with Hyung-Il's comment about your last paragraph. I think it is a good content to use, but in my opinion it would be better if you had writen more details, such as a good memory about your family love. Otherwise your writing is generally good organized.
ReplyDelete(Second draft)
ReplyDeleteMy Life Until Now
My life until now has changed a lot since I was born in January 8th 1990.
When I was elementary school student, I was very outgoing, mischievous boy. I always hung out in groups with my same friends and played a joke on other boys. Fore example, looking back, it was very bad and wrong behavior, I used to throw water-filled balloons to pedestrians in high place with my friends. So, there were many children who wanted to get along with me. Also there were many children who were scared of me.
But when I was sixteen years old, I moved to other city and gained weight. Growing apart with my old friends in my hometown, and missing confidence on my appearance, I became very passive and withdrawn person. I knew only school and home, and there were not funny, interesting memories in my middle and high school ages.
But when I entered into HUF, I got along with anyone and I recovered my confidence on myself. And that confidence has maintained until now. I'll spend my life more active and enthusiastic.