My 'Nintendo Game Boy'
200903390
HyunCheol CHO
I have owned few possessions special to me. But one possession remains in my memory until now. Because there was special event relating to that possession. That possession is 'Nintendo Game Boy'(Nintendo is famous Japanese corporation making a lot of game machines). I'm going to say the story of my special possession, 'Nintendo Game Boy'.
When I was young(perhaps five or six years old), my father went to Japan for business and came back to Korea with the game machine for his sons, my older brother and me. That was 'Nintendo Game Boy' and it was brand-new, expensive and rare item in Korea(Every friends who saw my 'Game Boy' envied me). My older brother and me loved this interesting machine. So we always fought each other to use 'Game Boy' more. When my father noticed that we only played with 'Game Boy' and didn't study hard, he broke my 'Nintendo Game Boy' by hammer. After I grew up I understood my father's behavior, but at that time this event was very shocking for me. So, this possession remains in my memory so far.
Your parapgraph is very detailed, and I like your flow that links the sentences together. It is interesting that your most valuable possession is now gone. What you could have done to improve your writing is to put more emphasis on the reason why you value this possession the most.
ReplyDeleteI had nintendo gameboy just like you. Your story is very funny. I like that you fought with your brother over a gameboy, because i fought with my brother for the same reason. I can feel how you felt having the gameboy, but it would be better if you described more with the details like color or shape.
ReplyDeleteHyunCheol CHO
ReplyDeleteSecond Draft of 'My Special Possession'
My 'Nintendo Game Boy'
I have owned few possessions special to me. But one possession remains in my memory until now. Because there was special event relating to that possession. That possession is 'Nintendo Game Boy'(Nintendo is famous Japanese corporation making a lot of game machines). I'm going to say the story of my special possession, 'Nintendo Game Boy'.
When I was young(perhaps five or six years old), my father went to Japan for business and came back to Korea with the game machine for his sons, my older brother and me. That was 'Nintendo Game Boy' and it was brand-new, expensive and rare item in Korea(Every friends who saw my 'Game Boy' envied me). It's size is a little bit bigger than palm, and it's color is bright silver-gray. Yeah, that is to say, It's appearance looks fantastic to me. My older brother and me loved this interesting machine. So we always fought each other to use 'Game Boy' more. When my father noticed that we only played with 'Game Boy' and didn't study hard, he broke my 'Nintendo Game Boy' by hammer. After I grew up I understood my father's behavior, but at that time this event was very shocking for me. So, this possession remains in my memory so far. I think it remains in my mind more specially because it is non-exist.