Nowadays, TV has become such a necessity that people wouldn't be able to imagine a life without one. TV is one of the most powerful media tools in the world. Bearing that in mind, I think TV acts as the most influential medium for children and young teenagers when growing up. There is a diverse range of programs and movies that are available for people to watch at home comfortably. Many parents with children and young teenagers may think that their sons and daughters take in violence and obscene language from outside of their homes, but that might not always be the case. Within the comfort of their homes, children and young teenagers are exposed to inappropriate materials through TV shows containing materials that are violent and sometimes sexual, and movies with violence obscenity in them, which have a negative impact, and in some cases could eventually provoke them to do similar things in the future.
There are health issues related with watching TV. There is no doubt that TV has negative influences to children, but on the other hand, there are also beneficial factors. These might include the news, cartoons for entertainment, and education channels where children are able to learn and take in a lot of useful knowledge and information. However, the increase in time spent in front of the TV can lead to eyesight deterioration, hearing or posture problems. Children spend hours in front of the TV and could be too close to it, slouching or have the volume on too loud. The signs of these problems aren't visible straight away, but could lead to more serious problems in the future.
What I like about this piece of writing is that the topic sentences in each paragraph are clear and the paragraphs are pretty well-supported. Your main points seem to be ‘Disadvantages of TV’ and ‘You could live without it’. TV has a bad influence on young people because it includes violence and can cause some health problems. And you do not need TV as the computer replaces the television. This particular line struck me as powerful: “I’ve been able to cope just fine without a TV.” I think this is what you wanted to emphasize eventually. There is nothing confusing. However, I do not understand why you write the first two paragraphs. Those hinder me from catching the ultimate intention of your writing. In my opinion, you could improve this piece of writing by either focusing on the third paragraph to make one main point or mentioning why the first two paragraphs are needed and at the same time shortening your essay.
ReplyDelete(Were the fist two paragraphs for saying that you could live without TV since a computer is better than TV and even it has many side effects?)
Thank you for your comments. I'll take that into consideration when I write my second draft :)
DeleteI currently live by myself near campus and do not have a TV in my room. For the past year or so, I’ve been able to cope just fine without a TV because I download the programs or movies that I’d like to see from the Internet and watch them on the computer. Personally, I think that’s a more efficient way of watching TV programs since there are no commercials when you watch them on the computer. Moreover, TV has a negative influence on children and teenagers. I think TV is the most influential medium for them when growing up, hence, many programs and films that have violence, obscenity and sexual materials in them are imprinted in their minds, which have the possibility of eventually affecting them in the future. One of the consequences of these influences might be crime and this may lead to further problems for the children themselves and the society. Therefore, I think life without TV is possible since there are other means for watching programs and films, thus, prevent children and teenagers being exposed to violent and sexually provoking materials.
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