| My Life Until Now 201101227 Min Ho Jung To summarize my overall life in a few words, all I can say is that I was lucky. I never had to go through life threatening ordeals, and had a relatively normal life. To begin with my childhood, I was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan and grew up there for several years. Since I was so young, I never had any clear memories of that time. Nevertheless, what I do remember is that my family had close friends, and together we traveled a lot. These were friends of my father's university, and it had become some sort of a tradition during every Summer and Winter break, for the three families to go on a trip. When I was about five, I came to Korea for the first time in my life, sue to my father's business. From this part, my memory becomes more acute. I was mischievous and loved to play outdoors. I was not the type of girl to sit and read books; although later on in my life after I went back to the States, I develop a fondness for them. I made friends, whom I had to part with in the midst of elementary school first grade. I flew back to the States due to my father's reasons, this time with my one year old younger sister. My return to the States gave me an unforgettable childhood memory. I felt warmth and sense of security with my family and friends. I spent a great deal of my time getting along with nature as I swam in the lakes during Summer, and played with snow during Winter. When I had to go back to Korea, tears sprang to my eyes. Despite my wave of great sadness, I also gained unforgettable memories in Korea. I had my happy days and sad days, but despite all that, I can say with certainty that I had a happy life. I have very supportive family and reliable friends, and I learned from my mistakes. Learned from my experience and learned to appreciate the present and for the things I forget to be grateful for. I had my ups and downs, but I don't regret the things I went through during my life.
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Friday, March 9, 2012
Min Ho Jung/My Life Until Now/Wed. 11A.M.
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Your childhood is specifically and chronologically described. It is also impressive that you used some liteary expressions, for example, 'tears sprang to my eyes' and 'Despite my wave of great sadness'.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, however, your topic sentence is ambiguous. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is making it 'united'. It is obvious that you feel your life both in the U.S. and Korea lucky thanks to happy memories with your family and friends. What I don't understand is how your learnings(from your mistakes, experience..) can be linked to your 'lucky' life. It could be better if you show why it should be a happy life by adding some reasons.
From Dong Hoon Kang
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that the topic sentence is clear. I liked the way you summarized your life in a few words. Your main point seems to be you had a dynamic and happy life. You had frustrations and mistakes, but the essays shows your bright and outgoing personality really well. These particular lines struck me as powerful; "To summarize - I was lucky" , "I don't regret the things I went through." The former caught my attention and made me curious about your essay. I liked the latter because I've got the same thought as you. However some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved. I liked the first sentence but I don't get why you mentioned 'lucky'. Some supporting points that you were lucky should be added. And some lines like "fears sprang into my eyes" is too literary. It would fit better in a novel or a text descripting the present. I think using simple words and expressions, your essay will be much better
My Life Until Now
ReplyDelete201101227 Min Ho Jung
To summarize my overall life in a few words, all I can say is that I was lucky to go through the events I did. I never had to go through life threatening ordeals, and had a relatively normal life. To begin with my childhood, I was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan and grew up there for several years. Since I was so young, I never had any clear memories of that time. Nevertheless, what I do remember is that my family had close friends, and together we traveled a lot. These were friends of my father’s university, and it had become some sort of a tradition during every Summer and Winter break, for the three families to go on a trip. When I was about five, I came to Korea for the first time in my life, sue to my father’s business. From this part, my memory becomes more acute. I was mischievous and loved to play outdoors. I was not the type of girl to sit and read books; although later on in my life after I went back to the States, I developed a fondness for them. I made friends, whom I had to part with in the middle of elementary school first grade. I flew back to the States due to my father’s reasons, this time with my one year old younger sister. My return to the States gave me an unforgettable childhood memory. I felt warmth and sense of security with my family and friends. I spent a great deal of my time getting along with nature as I swam in the lakes during Summer, and played with snow during Winter. When I had to go back to Korea, I could not help but cry thinking of the happy childhood I spent in the States. Despite my wave of great sadness, I also gained unforgettable memories in Korea. I had my happy days and sad days, but despite all that, I can say with certainty that I had a happy life. I have a very supportive family and reliable friends, and I learned a lot from interacting with people from diverse backgrounds. I had my ups and downs, but I don’t regret the things I went through during my life.
I am sorry it was so late:( I misunderstood the directions and thought that I have to write the second draft until March 25th sorry :)
ReplyDelete