I was born in Busan, on February 11th 1993. I had been in Busan since then except some trips toward other cities. I used to be a trouble boy as I went to school earlier than others because I was born in February. But I got grown, I adopted. I was late in development both physically and psychologically. But one thing I was superior was the lingustic ability, which means I was good at English. That's why I chose to enter foreign language high school and university of foreign studies. The fact that I entered foreign language high school is such a turning point on me. As I said, I had never performed any outstanding jobs in studying or some other fields. I was not so confident at all. But studying in the high school was a quiet fun to me and it inspired me to study. I am not sure I'm still good at English any more but it's quiet sure that I like it. I'm looking forward to studying English more deeply throughout my college life. And now, I'm finding how to enjoy life in campus in addition to studying.
Your writing makes me comfortable since I was also born near Busan, Changwon. Do you know Changwon? :)
ReplyDeleteBut I think.. you'd better divide your writing into some paragraphs so as to make your point clear.
Hello :)
ReplyDeleteYour essay contains lots of information about you. So reading this, I could know who you are a little bit. You may want to contain the flow of your life so far. I found the reason why you chose this university and it's the strong point of your essay. It shows the purpose of your life, I guess.
However, you didn't described what things you're enjoying now. If you explain more with several sentences which explains your interests of languages, it would be awesome essay. Good job!
2nd Draft
ReplyDeleteI was born in Busan, on February 11th 1993. I had been in Busan since then except some trips toward other cities. I used to be a trouble boy as I went to school earlier than others because I was born in February. But I got grown, I adopted. I was late in development both physically and psychologically. But one thing I was superior was the lingustic ability, which means I was good at English. That's why I chose to enter foreign language high school and university of foreign studies. The fact that I entered foreign language high school is such a turning point on me. As I said, I had never performed any outstanding jobs in studying or some other fields. I was not so confident at all. But studying in the high school was a quiet fun to me and it inspired me to study. I am not sure I'm still good at English any more but it's quiet sure that I like it. I'm looking forward to studying English more deeply throughout my college life.
Comments: I don't think adive for dividing into paragraphs is not available so I didn't apply it to, and refering to Ka-yeong's advice, I thought of putting some more sentences but it would distract the coherence and I didn't intend that to be a big deal, I just intended it as a concluding sentence. So I just deleted it.