Geun-Hong Kim
Professor Jon Bahk-Halberg
Introduction to Academic Writing (1)
April 11, 2012
Sejong The Great
A person that I admire is Sejong the Great because I think he was a real politician. He was the fourth king of the Jo-Seon Dynasty of Korea. Since he was young, he was famous for his genius. In addition, he was a king of a country so the world was easy to live in for him. He could do anything he wanted to do. However, he decided to use his power for more meaningful things like stabilizing and improving the livelihoods of the public unlike many other kings or politicians who take advantage of their power to generate personal gain. He made a ceaseless effort to provide services that make the public live comfortably. For example, he formed military regulations to reinforce the safety of the public. For easing the burden of farming, Sejong the Great wrote a farmer's handbook providing the different farming techniques with scientists. Moreover, he created Hangul, the native phonetic alphabet system for the Korean language so that Koreans from all classes could read and write. In situation like this where the politicians even abuse governmental authority for private gain and profit, the conduct of Sejong the Great merits the highest commendation.
I love this essay because there are clear reasons why you respect Sejong The Great.
ReplyDeleteI respect Sejong The great too. Especially creation of Hangul is an achievement that would remain forever in history.
Your thesis statement is clear and your conlcuding sentence restates the topic sentence well. But, I couldn't clearly understand the meaning of fifth sencence; because the sencence are not quite connected with the sentence just before.
ReplyDeleteSo, I cautiously suggest this:
"In addition, he was a king of a country so the world was easy to live in for him. He could do anything he wanted to do like many other kings or politicians who take advantage of their power to generate personal gain. However, he decided to use his power for more meaningful things like stabilizing and improving the livelihoods of the public."
I think that change would make your paragraph more clear.