The most memorable place I could remember was an island from my dream. Although it was just a dream, the island was so real to me that I could remember every detail of how it was. I remember the island being very small when I saw it from a far distance, and as I approached the island it had magnificent tropical trees everywhere with a waterfall in the middle of it. It was really humid, just like how everybody describes when they go into a rain forest, but my feet felt warm because I was standing on this dazzling gold colored sand which was surrounding the island. There was also this women standing right next to me who I never saw before, but she was beautiful with her stunning blonde hair and I could remember that she had this fragrant scent that made me feel so good. I also remember the sound of the waves whizzing through my ears as I hold the women's hand which was really soft. Although this was just a dream, every part of it was so real that I could never forget about it. Maybe it was just because of the beautiful girl that I never forgot about this dream, but nevertheless, the island that appeared in my dream was the most memorable place in my life.
Before I wrote your writing’s commend, I really want to say ‘wow’. If I was in the last class that gave some number on other’s writing, I gave you 5 points. Anyway, it is really dragged my eyes in to the paragraph. Because your topic-the island In the dream, is so fantastic. In fact every man might have these dreams. But it is hard to describe this level. I guess that you got these dreams in lots of time and, it is memorable that you could describe it. Other descriptions and five feelings were good. But in the sentence, ‘this women standing right next to me who I never saw before’. I did not understand ‘this women’ it looked the woman you grabbed her hand. I think you should change some words above them. It might be better ‘a woman’ rather than ‘this women’
ReplyDeleteIt is very surprising you can remember all the details of your dream. I forget my dream right away. Anyway, even though the place was in your dream and nobody can actually see it, I could imagine how the island of your dream looks like. You described it well. However, you didn't describe the fragrant scent of the woman that much. You only said 'made me feel so good.' I wonder how it felt exactly.
ReplyDeleteRevised Paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThe most memorable place I could remember was an island from my dream. Although it was just a dream, the island was so real to me that I could remember every detail of how it was. I remember the island being very small when I saw it from a far distance, and as I approached the island it had magnificent tropical trees everywhere with a waterfall in the middle of it. It was really humid, just like how everybody describes when they go into a rain forest, but my feet felt warm because I was standing on this dazzling gold colored sand which was surrounding the island. There was also a women standing right next to me who I never saw before, but she was beautiful with her stunning blonde hair and I could remember that she had this fragrant scent that made me feel so good. Her scent was really sweet, like the smell of honet and sugar mixed up together, and her scent blended exquisitely with the tropical smell of the island. I also remember the sound of the waves whizzing through my ears as I hold the women's hand which was really soft. Although this was just a dream, every part of it was so real that I could never forget about it. Maybe it was just because of the beautiful girl that I never forgot about this dream, but nevertheless, the island that appeared in my dream was the most memorable place in my life.