I am a busy person
These days, every student who are up to my age, are getting concerned about becoming unemployed. They are all busy studying and looking for jobs, I am also a really busy student, but I tend to take different measures when preparing to get a job when others are mostly just sitting in the library and studying all day. I tend to believe that having more social experience is relevant to getting a better job than just looking at books, which is why unlike most university students, I have three jobs other than being a student. First, I work as a manager for an internet shopping mall industry, and the reason I am doing this job is that it provides me the skills to learn better leadership and cooperation because I have twenty more workers below me and I have to give the main orders. The second job I am doing is somewhat similar to my first job, but for a different position. I work as an interpreter for immigrants which have low incomes and couldn't afford to hire "real" interpreters, so they look for me because I was just a trainee. Since being a trainee, I am in one of the lowest positions in my company and I learn how it is important to obey the orders from the people above me. For my third job, I currently own a convenience store in Seoul, and unlike my other three jobs, I am the founder of this shop which means that I don't have anyone below or above me except for a few part time workers. This job offers me to become more independent since I have to take care of the financial businesses on my own, and I would learn the important issue of not being dependent when there are financial issues coming toward me. In conclusion, the three jobs that I have talked about makes me a busy person. Although every student at my age are all busy taking care of their own issues, I am also very busy taking care of my own issues.
It was really interensting to read about your three jobs. And you also well described about your jobs and the feelings you get from them. You expressed well about your idea of having your jobs. However, I coudn't find the clear connection between the first part of your writing and the body part where you are introducing your jobs. First part seems to be focusing on your opinion that social experience is more important, but the body part seems to be just explaing about your job and your feelings. If you could make your writing more united, it would be a better piece of writing! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you exemplify the controlling idea with your three specific jobs. Your main point seems to be that you are a busy person as the title above. These lines struck me as powerful; "I tend to believe that having more social experience is relevant to getting a better job than just looking at books." because it clarifies what "different measures" are that you mentioned and "it provides me the skills to learn better leadership and cooperation" since it is an example of advantages "social experiences" have. However, the second part seems to have a mixed point so it is not clear to me. In my opinion, you don't have to explain what you did as a trainee. And I cannot understand this sentence:" I would learn the important issue of not being dependent when there are financial issues coming toward me." One big improvement I could suggest is that you could emphasize the strengths of "social experiences" you have had from three jobs.
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